Wednesday, December 18, 2013

#13 - I want to love, and be loved.

As much as I want this relationship to be a smooth one, 
I know that it will never be.



But you're the one person I can honestly see myself happy with.

You are the strongest breathtaking drug I will ever take.

xx

Haven't been touching this space much even though it's already 1 month after my exams. And I haven't even found a job. But at least, I've done lots of unforgettable stuffs with Dan. Like going to the Zoo, Night Safari, USS. Having brunch at a cafĂ© and then walking around looking and eat again till we're stuffed. Trying to bake the 5 minutes brownie which wasn't really successful even after a few tries. Dinner dates at Ikea and many more places. 
I love the times spent with him..

The first time I went to USS was about 2 years ago with my friends back then. And I never went back until this month. Went with Niko and Dan which ended pretty bad and another time with Dan alone. And guess what, I'm heading there again with both of them tomorrow. Thrice in a month wow.
But still.. I can't wait cause this time there'll be some Christmas event thing. And I just want to enjoy myself before I get back my results which most probably be quite disappointing. *sigh*

Alright, so anyw.....
See you there if you're heading there tomorrow! 
- hehe -

Still deciding if I should bring my camera along.. It'll be a huge burden but iPhone's camera can never take pictures like a freaking DSLR.. I need a compact camera like Olympus or Samsung's Smart Camera. I know right.. when I have a compact, I ask for a DSLR and now that I have a DSLR, I want a compact.
.........Girls.........

 xx  

Thursday, December 5, 2013

#12 - Rainbow for hair, because you only live once.

Advertorial Post:

Well, after going 1 month, I finally decided to blog about my hair. My dyed hair. Because I want to show you guys the process. Haha, okay I'm just lazy and I thought that no one will be interested so I didn't BUT BUT BUT, there's a reason for me to blog about it today. You'll find out very soon!

Intially, I wanted blue highlights all over my black/brown hair. Not the one strands kind of highlight, but more of toning? It's like dying sections of hair that are underneath your base colour, so it'll have the peek-a-boo effect. I don't know, I'm not very sure about hair terms.

But after doing some research and asking around, many hair salons either don't have the tone of blue I wanted or they just wouldn't do it for me because of the condition of my hair. So I settled for Purple and Green.
I did one big section at the bottom and a small section on the back Purple, and the two sides green. But the purple turn out a little too pink from what I expected it to be. I don't know what got into me but I thought since I won't be this young anymore, why not try weird combinations and regret it later rather than doing safe colours and regret not going wilder when I get older.

So tada, that's my hair colour right after I got it dyed. Oh ya, and I had to bleach my hair for about 30-45 minutes to achieve this colour.
And with normal treatment, it costed me $300. YES WTF.


And this is how it looks when I tie up my hair, on the same day.


The next day, I had a class chalet and we went to Wild Wild Wet on the 2nd day.
I have no idea if it's because of the chlorine in the water or whatever but the lower sections of hair dye faded a lot because I did not tie my hair. The colour faded into a very ashy gold with a little baby pink. As for the green, the shiny-glossy colour faded off and I'm quite happy about it because it looked less like extensions.

And this is how my hair looks 1-2 days after my chalet ended. 


And below, the photo is taken last week.


And this two are taken yesterday.



The lower section of the purple has completely turned gold but the upper section faded to the ashy gold with baby pink. The green is still going strong although the lower section has faded to ash green with a little gold.
My hair looks very horrible now and I can't wait to dye my hair again but going to the salon that do not understand what you actually wanted but you still have to pay them is just.... urgh a waste of money.

.
.
.
.

And since crazy colours for hair is still pretty in trend right now......
why not do it yourself?
I mean bleaching, you can go to a salon and get them to do it for you because I know nuts about bleaching la and I believe it's safer there. But if you know how to, you definitely can do it yourself, if you know where to get the bleach.

Have you guys heard about La Riche Directions and Manic Panic Semi-Permanent Hair Dyes? They are really popular brands of Semi-Permanent Hair Dyes. And I believe it'll work so much better than what the salon did to my hair, at a much much much cheaper rate.


Glitzy Glory carries both La Riche Directions and Manic Panic Semi-Permanent Hair Dyes at a low price.
Both takes only 10-14 days to arrive once orders are sent in. Usually, it takes about 1 month to arrive, trust me, I've done research and read reviews about these hair dyes.
With free gift for purchases 5 and above and free home delivery (usual price $5) for purchases 10 and above.
Which means items will reach you safely, to your doorstep!! Join orders with your friends and safe on delivery fee!

Why choose La Riche Directions?
Because it contains no harsh chemicals, which means you can leave it on your hair for a long period for the colour to set in! They are also vegan friendly! The colours available are not the ones you want? No worries! You can mix the colours yourself because all La Riche dyes are compatible.

The website stated that the both La Riche Directions and Manic Panic usually only last between 4-12 washes but I've seen it last for months! I swear. 
If you're still skeptical about the products, you can google it and look for reviews about them. Most reviews are positive about how long the colours last or how vibrant the colours are.

BUT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT mix them with bleach.

Get your "Tumblr Hair" with Glitzy Glory now!



Picture

Picture

Picture

 xx  

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

#11 - A little more about myself.

Late night blogging, again..

A little update:
Went to USS with Niko and twice with my boy.
Haven't brought my camera out for quite awhile. Regretted not getting an Olympus camera because my DSLR is breaking my shoulders.

xx

I always leave a really bad impression to people. 
Unfriendly, fierce, ahlian etc. Oh and maybe a few "good" ones, like outspoken, loud and daring. At least these are what I get when I ask people to describe me.

And I wish I am exactly like what they say.
(except for the ahlian part la...)

To be honest, I'm really shy. I know I know, "shy" and "Pauline" isn't suppose to go together. I mean, Pauline is strong, she wouldn't break down easily so naturally she does not need to be protected and therefore, how can she be shy? No. It's just easier for me to say "I just don't want to do it" rather than admitting I'm shy. 

I'm definitely not the demure kind of girls and nope, I'm not an introvert, for sure.

But I just don't really like the idea of meeting new people unless I'm surrounded by people I'm close with because I get tensed up very very easily. I'll either blush and keep an awkward smile while backing away or I'll just make myself look very unfriendly. 
And I think my self esteem plays a really big part in causing my shyness.

I mean, who would've thought that I have stage fright and I can promise no one would believe that I don't like to get stares/attention when I'm out. I'm always secretly hoping I don't win anything where there's a lucky draw at an event. I even feel awkward walking pass groups when I'm alone. 
I just don't like the feeling of being alone, I cannot stand being alone, even walking home and taking a bus. That's why I rather take a quiet and longer route.

Weird fact: I hate taking bus alone because everyone is facing the front, so it seems like everybody's staring at me when I board the bus.

Even though I say I give zero fucks to what people think of me but in actual, I care. 
And it affects me a lot.

I was playing nonsense on stage when I was performing violin with my band on stage even though I can perfect that song when I was practicing it. Nope, no one knew because the others played a lot louder and it covered up everything. I just did the exact hand movement as the one beside me but my fingers were not in the right place.

You think it's not serious? Haha.
Last year, when I wanted to go home from nex, it rained, really heavily. So I decided to take the bus. No one press the bell for it to stop. The bus pass by my stop. Still, no one pressed the bell. Until 4 bus stops away, that's when I heard "ding dong" and I alighted with the crowd.
I can't even press the bell and get down the bus alone haha fml...

I hope my shyness will fade away as I grow older. 
Cause it'll definitely make my life a lot harder...

 xx 


Sunday, November 24, 2013

#10 - Being different isn't bad.

Just wanted to share a video, skip to 0:50.
I cried.



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 xx  

Saturday, November 16, 2013

#9 - We can stay forever young.

Olevel was finally over on Monday. Didn't felt any difference. hmm.. is it just me or..?
But one "after O's" effect I felt was my body clock is freaking screwed. I get 5 hours of sleep everyday without feeling tired. Strange. Maybe because I am.
Got some parts of my hair dyed but I'll probably not talk much about it because well... some like it and some don't. And one of the colour has faded quite a little due to the long hours of soaking in chlorine water at Wild Wild Wet. Was hoping the colour could last at least a week because I kinda really like it. Really glad that D was okay with the colour, well he doesn't have a choice haha.





Sec 1 class chalet from Wednesday to Friday, but I came back on Thursday night. And I wasn't free yesterday, that's why I'm only blogging now.
Chalet was great because of the awesome companions that made this chalet a memorable one. 
#nowplaying: Avril Lavigne - Here's To Never Growing Up

We went for night cycling on the first night, so it's from Pasir Ris all the way to BuangKok and then back again. 17.01km in 2-3hours. Woah that's a lot okay. Started at around 1 am so everywhere was dark as hell, especially Old Tampines Road (i don't know where is it, but Ryan told me it's otr so...). Both sides were trees and it's so misty, is that how you call it? It's just scary la because the road was so wide and everyone was kinda separated with some people riding really fast and others at the back. And we were going against the traffic, with big trucks driving pass us every now and then. Narrow pavements, carrying our bikes over bridges, etc. Once is enough. It's fun and exciting but no I don't recommend it because it's quite dangerous.
But stilllllllll...... Another tick off my YOLO list!







I still don't have the "we're not gonna go school together anymore" feel with my schoolmates currently because it feels just like any other holiday. I would probably feel it after another month. But I'm pretty sure I'll miss everyone.. The 4 years felt more like 4 months. Everything happen too fast. But I hope everyone feels the same so there will be more possibility to meet up. Secondary school is the place where everyone witness each other growing. The appearance changes the most and you get more mature. That's probably why more people remember secondary friends rather than primary school ones after they get older, because we are young adults, right?
Okay, I'll leave the secondary school thingy for another post.
So I have totally no plans for the holiday, just doing what comes to my mind but I'll probably be working on the weekends since I can't meet D. Yep, I'm lifeless now because my world revolves around him. I'm only going out with him or Niko, so if both of them are busy then that's my "rest day" to nua at home hehe.
If you guys know of any job to intro, let me know on my askfm at the sidebar! Will really appreciate it.



 xx  

I'll blog more and try my best to get back the readers I had in my old blog.
I miss blogging so much. ):

Friday, November 8, 2013

#8 - We're only sixteen. We're just kids in love.

Just in the master bedroom with only the table lights on and my mum sleeping at the back.
It has been awhile since the last time I update this space. O's have been taking up most of my time, especially art. Oh and laziness. Have been using them as an excuse to not do anything for the longest time and I'll probably stop only after 11th Nov which is the end of my examinations. I can't wait for it to end because I'm really tired. I'm constantly yawning.
But then again, when am I not tired?

xx

We met online. Such a "romantic" place. I fell at hello and I'm not regretting it since. It isn't long, just 76 days. When people ask about our relationship status, complicated is the word. Not in a bad way. We're not officially together but we're in a relationship that only we both understand. After being alone for closing to 2 years, I was surprise at how comfortable I am with you. I'm still surprise. Not fully comfortable but more comfortable with you than any of "them". You're a guy that I wouldn't go for 2 years back. Be it appearance or attitude wise.

You hugged me when you saw the cuts that I promised you I wouldn't. You kissed me when I cry and you didn't know what to do. We sat on the floor in front of your kitchen's fridge and ate chocolate bars You fed me your lunch while I use my phone and had my legs up on your lap. You made me sit beside you while you write a little note for me. We hugged for 10 minutes standing up because I didn't want to let go. You pushed my head onto your shoulder when  you saw me leaning on the glass window of the bus. You wanted me to help you withdraw some money and almost gave me your bank account password, but I rejected. You offered $10 to anyone that would help you do something because I was crying like hell, and it was only the second day we talked.

You often label yourself as cold. But look at the things you did that proves that your blood is still warm. I never like showing others my weaker side but you witnessed it yesterday. You said nothing but just held on to me really tight. I clenched my fist. It hurts because of my fingernails. I kept quiet and left it that way. I tried to smile it away, but some things couldn't be disguise. The next thing I know, you were kissing the mark that my fingernails left. You made sure my hands were lay flat on your body while you hold on to them. And that made me cry even more.

I hate how mean you treat me sometimes but I love how soft you would talk to me when I'm really hurt or mad. I hate how insensitive you are but I love how you would only tell me your true feelings instead of useless sweet talks. You hate people that acts cute and always tell me that it's not gonna work on you when I start whining. But you'll give in in the end. You always do. I love how you would bend a little to hug me when I don't tip toe. I love how we hug each other and stare into the mirror. There're just so many things to list about why I love you that I can never find in others.

In this 2 months, we had lots of quarrels and I'm always the one starting it. Or at least most of the time. I'm really sensitive and just unreasonable. In the heat of the moment, I get really harsh and I cross the line. The replies I get may not be perfect, but you wouldn't flare up at me. And I really appreciate that. Sometimes I question myself, who in the world would love and care for me like their little princess other than mummy. And there you are. I don't have anything to make anyone stay. I'm not attractive nor do I have a great personality. It's funny why you're willing to do all these. And this is the cause of most of our quarrels. My insecurities. My low self esteem after T.

You do not agree with some decisions I make but you try your best to accept it unless it's bad for me. Now I'm scared. Very very afraid. You're coming up with solutions and you're staying. And I'm thankful for all these. I do complain about why aren't you like this or like that, but I've come to realise that no relationship will go your way every single time. It's the imperfections that makes everything perfect.

 xx  

you're the best i can ever ask for
so i'm never letting you go

Sunday, September 22, 2013

#7 - Ai shite iru koto wo wasurenaide ite

Of course I was hurt the whole time
I just didn't say anything.

"go after her.
don't ever let her go. when she tries to walk away from you, grab her. hug her like no one else could, make her feel secure in your arms. when you miss her, text her. start the conversation to let her know that you want to talk to her. show your love for her unconditionally. don't let anyone else have her. there's no other girl out there just like her, she's special. chase her."












Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet and so are you.
But the roses are withering, violets are dead. The sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Because even though it hurts so badly, I'll still love you. I know what we are, and what we're not. I'll tell you my friends how wonderful you are. Do I have a dysfunctional mind? I'm so used to the sadness that I'm beginning to believe that I'm addicted to it. I hate to pretend that I'm mentally stable but I can't stop. People tell me to be contented with what I have because I'm lucky. Lucky that I even have a roof above my head. But they don't know how I'm feeling because they're not me.
I've created this lying smile and everybody believes it. I mean I'm not sad. I'm also not exactly happy either. I can laugh and smile and joke around when people are around me. But once I'm alone, I forgot how it feels to have that curve my lips create. It's like impossible to have a day without one bad feeling. And you don't know how pathetic it makes me feel. "How can you judge what you don't understand?"

Isn't it ironic? That the things we do to feel alive, are the things that can kill us?
Why am I dying to live, if I'm just living to die?

"i was looking in the mirror tonight.....
i swear, i've never seen someone whose eyes were so full of pain."

 xx 

Saturday, September 7, 2013

#6 - Don’t worry. Be happy. Because life will love you back if you start appreciating it.

Thursday's plan was changed due to the heavy rain in the morning.
But luckily the day got better after that. 

v^-^v







2 Alexandra Road
#05-04/05 Delta House
Singapore 159919

Tel: 65-6238 0525
Fax: 65-6238 7018



100 Beach Road
#01-25, Shaw Leisure Gallery
Singapore 189702
10% off because we brave through the storm. hehe









Will probably never gonna post any pics of myself this unglam like the two above anymore.
ya okay you can laugh now.







Was a happy happy girl that day cause food was great and the best thing was Cassandra, Amelia and I got ourselves heels from Payless.
I got 2 pairs that cost only 10bucks each because it was on sale. The original price was $40-$50 plus.
^-^ hehe ^-^

 xx 

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

#5 - I'm not crazy, my reality is just different from yours.

I tried explaining why I was so sad, but nothing could come out.
That was when I realised, I didn't know why either.



I call people fake but I realise I ain't that real either. I hide my true self too often. I'm looking very hard for a way to interpret the language of this heart and the unspoken bond I feel but I can't. But deep down, I hope I'm understood. I want to feel appreciated by the people I'm fake to. Weird but because I know my natural self isn't good enough.

I tried to be myself but no one likes it. I fake myself, no one likes it either. So I become a mixture of both that sometimes, I don't even know which is which. I tell myself it's okay if no one like me but then again, it's not. It's not okay. At all.
"I'm not crazy, my reality is just different from yours."




I think I still haven't learn my lesson. It made me so vulnerable. The walls are torn down, not fully but it's already starting to hurt. Everything he does, everything he says, turns into a glass splinter working its way into my heart. I want to do something but I don't know what to do. I'm so overwhelmed by the impact of my choices that I can't choose to do anything at all because I'm afraid today will be the day that I make the choice that changes everything. It isn't meant to be easy but the endless obstacles that defines it makes it so tiring. 

"oh my god i'm fucking sick of this generation's mentality that your sadness is beautiful and somebody will fix you and all this fucking john green shit nobody will find you in a bookstore reading bukowski and want to lie with you and nobody will kiss your scars and you will not be like effie and freddie you've got to be your own fucking hero and surround yourself with positivity"

 xx 

Saturday, August 24, 2013

#4 - Me, myself and I.

O's around the corner. In about 1-2 more months.

And the bad thing is I have not started studying yet. Because I'm lazy. I lack determination. I don't ask when I don't know. And I just give up if I still can't get the answer. I'm too lazy to study. I'm scared of O's but the fear is still not strong enough to push me to study. I'll regret when the fear is finally enough, I know.

Some teachers are also... well...
1997 batch is always the guinea pig. lol thanks. 

I got back my Chinese O's results yesterday. As expected, I didn't do as well as I expected. B3 and a merit for Paper 3. Kinda got "scolded" by my Chinese teacher because she knows I can do better than this but I'm not putting in any effort. 
And yes, I'm retaking.

I have supportive friends that offers to study with me, teach me and a few wanted to treat me to meals and even buy gifts for me if I get 15 points for my O's. My mum's ex colleagues who's studying in uni now offered to help me in my maths too.
Don't want to disappoint anyone but still... I need a cure for my laziness. 
Yes, it's an excuse. But honestly, I wish I'm more hardworking. I'm really really really way too lazy. Probably one of the most lazy girl anyone would ever know.

I'm starting to try to study. I will.

k MOVING ON.

xx

I got tagged to do the "20 Facts About Me" thingy on Instagram by a few of my friends. I've done it! Take a look (Click Here!) and follow if you haven't already done so!

I've done 50 facts about myself on my old blog before but I thought, since this is a new blog, why not do it once more? (: But I'll just do another 20 because I don't really know myself that well either HAHA.


(sigh.. why doesn't iPhone's front camera takes great picture like it's back one. time to carry my camera out more often)

1. I have a soft spot for old people. I want to help them but I don't have the courage to. So I would ask my friends to help them instead.

2. I can't tolerate stupidity. By that I mean people that have no common sense and always ask stupid questions which are pretty obvious.

3. I have an unproportionate body. My thighs are really big for my size. YES I AM FAT.

4. My love for volleyball is indescribable.

5. I miss the times when I draw for fun. Art used to be something I do to have some time on my own but now art is so stressful for me.

6. I love going to places that I've never went before. I love to explore.

7. I love photography and I wish my photography skills improve so it'll allow me to be a photographer in the future.

8. I'm going back to dance with a few of my friends after O's.

9. I AM NOT EMO 24/7 and people need to get that in their head.

10. I'm living in my own world most of the time. Yes, I talk to myself a lot.

11. I want a golden retriever but I'm afraid of dogs. No, I'm afraid of every living thing except humans and plants I guess.

12. My hair looks really thick but no, it's really thin. It just LOOKS thick.

13. I don't have a sweet tooth like most girls. I prefer savoury food.

14. I hate strawberries and I think some girls like it just because it looks really cute and pretty and idk. They're sour like effffff.

15. I wish people understand that I'm not as strong as I seem, so they would know their limits.

16. I'm old fashion. I like written notes, handmade presents, home-cooked meals etc.

17. The older I get, the more afraid I am of celebrating my birthday because I always have the fear of being alone during my birthday.

18. I have loads of haters. Like really a lot and the problem is I have never talk to more than half of them before.

19. I have friends that think I suffer from Autism.

20. I am a fast learner. EXCLUDING STUDIES.

 xx 

Monday, August 19, 2013

#3 - Mirror mirror.

When did everything become so complicated?
What happened?

"I'm not crazy, my reality is just different from yours."



"I'm scared and I wish you were here to make me smile."
Aquarius are the people most hardly to be predicted, you think that's what they are but most often they're not. I wish people don't hurt me as if I would never collapse. I wish people don't think of me as a strong person. Because sometimes, being strong wouldn't do me any good. He's gonna take the advantage and stab you right in your left chest. She's gonna kiss you on the cheek and then scratch your back till it bleeds. It's scary. So scary.
"I'm scared and I wish you were here to make me smile."

My eyes were closed for about 2 hours last night and I still wasn't able to sleep. The music was playing and I had set a timer for it to stop. I had to constantly change the timer because I still couldn't sleep. Why. Why. Why. There were so much thoughts happening inside. It wouldn't stop. It was all messed up. Nothing was related and the replay button was going against me.


Mirror mirror, on the wall, 
I just want to be pretty, thin and tall.

Mirror mirror, if I change my hair,
maybe someone will start to care.

Mirror mirror, if I starve myself,
at least I'll be beautiful, forget my health.

Mirror mirror, if I cut my wrist,
will I feel like I exist?

Mirror mirror, don't you see?
What you show, is ruining me.
 xx 

Friday, August 16, 2013

#2 - Phantom Of The Opera.

I said I'll blog about P.O.T.O. in another blog post, so here it is! Finally got the pictures into my laptop but please pardon the quality of the picture. Photography was not allowed in the theater so I didn't brought my camera along. All photos were taken with phones.
I have never been to musicals before. I thought they would be boring and a waste of money as their price isn't cheap either (at least for a student like me). But after going for this, I think I'm really shallow for the past 16 years of my life. Because it was great, amazing and errr.. I'm lacking of vocabs.. But you get what I mean. 






My outfit of the night with Robert.
The red heels I wore for Ignite last year almost made me crippled wtf. It's either my legs grew or the shoes shrink because I haven't touched them for about a year. And my blister broke after having it on for an hour so for the whole night, I was walking with a broken blister.









Had 20 minutes to get some food before we go in for the play so we got ourselves some food from Cold Storage and macarons from High Society. Had the hazelnut one and oh my god, it was damn damn good.
And before we went in, a group photo with the sec 4s that went.







No photography of the show allowed in the theater so it's my face my face and again, my face! But still, photos cannot describe how wonderful the play was so I really recommend everyone to go. It's located at Marina Bay Sands. Not sure when it'll end but I know it's still showing! 
Recommend you to get the one at $165 because you'll get a better view of the whole play and I am sure you'll enjoy even more than me. My school got us the one at $125. We were at the 4th level left hand side so the view wasn't really good and the woman in front of me kept on leaning forward so I had to move my head once in a while but I am thankful that I even got to watch it because it is THAT AMAZING!



Ending this post with another picture of MY FACE. haha.
Goodnight lovelies!